there it is, plain as daylight.

I’m home sick. Have been sleeping much of the day, and watching a little anime. My husband was recently introduced to Shinkai Makoto’s Voices of a Distant Star, so over the past couple of days, he and I have been watching both that and his later film, 5 Centimeters Per Second, which for some reason is the one I have fallen for most deeply. I watched it again today, and I was again struck with such deep emotion, it was difficult not to just start all over again as soon as it had finished. Continue Reading »

Today I have a terrible cold, which is not so great for me, but possibly a blessing for *you* who are thus spared a long and tedious discussion of Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 8, and why the manga is so much richer than the anime, since I am much too congested to manage that level of thought. Whatever that level is.

I have Lucy with me at work today, and she is keeping my head from falling off, though I’m sure she’s incredibly bored. I have finally taken a real break, just an hour before my day is done. Fortunately, New York auditions were much more successful than they have sometimes been, and we have a lovely handful of folks to call back next week. It is starting to look like I may be attending callbacks on Monday, which I didn’t intend to do, and which will make for a very long week, as I’ll be leaving Wednesday to hold auditions in Nashville and Atlanta at the end of the week. With four tours going out in January, we’re trying to expand our files a bit, so we sent our PA to SETC auditions this year, and these auditions are a follow-up to that.

I’m feeling nostalgic this week, after seeing Christian (and even Mark, briefly!) on Monday in New York. I drift away from old friends much too easily, and that’s something I need to fix. Old friends, if you’re out there, don’t give up on me!

Lucy is growling at shadows, and I must get back to work.

The weekend is flying already. Yesterday, Paul and I took a trip up to Brattleboro, VT, where we met up with Dave & Ren, and had a lovely day exploring shops and enjoying a delicious dinner at India Palace. I picked up a tiny little book called Japanese in Thirty Hours, which promises great things. I took myself through the first lesson this morning, and can now point at Lucy and say, “This is a dog.” Very exciting.

Today, Paul will go hiking, and I will attempt to do some writing (with perhaps a bit of laundry on the side). I have a lot of ideas swirling around in my head, and I need to get them down before they flee.

Tomorrow I will be leaving the house before the crack of dawn to make it to NYC in time for FOODPLAY auditions. We are booked solid (with a short lunch break) from 10-5, and we even have a waiting list, which is a very great thing, but makes for a long day. I will be lucky to make it back home by ten, at which time I intend to collapse on the couch with Lucy and anyone else who will join me. If I am still capable of speech at that point, I will point at her and say, “This is a dog.”

Happy weekend, folks!

I am existing in that state that Elizabeth Ann has always referred to as “timelock.” This is a bad thing. It means that I have too much to do and too little time, and as a result, I’m feeling paralyzed to do any of it efficiently. I feel this everywhere: life, work, my inner world.

My “graphic novel” has been coming along wonderfully, or at least was until a couple of days ago, when the timelock kicked in. I have chucked stick figure drawings in favor of just writing a very clear script with descriptions, which I think ultimately will be more useful for anyone who might be trying to understand it. I am kind of in love with it, which is a great feeling, and something that has not been easy for me to come by in my own work.

Oh, timelock, please leave me. You are not welcome here.

I’ve been working all morning on my graphic novel (I have to laugh a little every time I say that, because of course it is never actually going to be a graphic novel unless some artist comes along to save me). It is a great feeling, though I feel like I have little to show for hours of thought and plotting. The big news is that my main character has, at long last, acquired a name. Also, some bits of the story that have been troublesome and vague up to this point are finally starting to take shape. Maybe this will actually turn into something someday. This is the most positive feeling I’ve had about it up to this point. It’s encouraging.

I hope to have scans of my sad little drawings of the main characters soon. Perhaps I can bring myself to share. We shall see.

As you probably can see from my sidebar, I read Neil Gaiman’s blog regularly, and as I was reading last night (about his mutual fanboy encounter with John Simm), it gave me such a smile. I think what I find so charming about his blog, is that he’s just a guy out there, living a life, and it really made me think about what I’m doing with my time. I spend all this time in my own head, brooding about life and life choices, blah blah blah, when it seems like I could just be out there living instead.

Granted, it’s a lot easier to be out living a life when you have the momentum that comes from really loving what you do. But could I find that if I tried? I lived like that once, I think. Back when I was acting and still loving it, and maybe even after when I was at least still loving the travel, every day was about living. Now this is not to say that I’m unsatisfied with my life, because there is so much of it that I love. But what is all this blogging and introspection really doing for me?

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but as I sit at my desk, forcing myself into taking a break from this long, headachy, meeting-saturated day, I wonder.

Yes, this is what I do when I’m at lunch.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately, trying to define myself, which is not something I generally place a lot of importance on, but has suddenly been in the forefront of my mind. Something I’ve been struggling with a lot is the feeling that the things I am doing lack meaning. I originally chalked this up to Too Much Anime, but the truth is, it is something I’ve been feeling for some time, and Too Much Anime simply provided a catalyst for discussion.

I currently have a number of half-baked projects in the works, and my official “job” is a bit half-baked right now too, which doesn’t help. Obviously I can’t finish baking everything at once (that metaphor is getting old fast, isn’t it?), which brings me again to the question of defining myself. I defined myself in my introductory post here as “singer, songwriter, theater manager, former actor, stumbling writer, dog-lover, fiction addict, mac geek, wife,” and in truth, that’s still probably only about half of the things I’d have to list if I was being really honest. One person can’t possibly be all that, so what am I?

Lately, I’ve been working on something that very desperately wants to be a graphic novel, despite the fact that I can’t draw to save my life. For the time being, I’ve been sketching out frames with stick figures and other indeterminate shapes with the hope that someone, somewhere might be able to see what I’m trying to express with them and help me bring that vision to reality. This seems unlikely, as I have no idea whatsoever how to go about finding such a person. And yet I persevere. I even spent a couple of hours attempting to draw my main characters in some way that would give the stick figures a bit more meaning, but considering how long it takes me to draw the stick figures, that may have been a bit premature. Paul found me a class to take at UMASS entitled something like “Writing the Graphic Novel,” but when I looked it up online, it had been canceled. Is this a sign?

I thought I should start this blog off with a real introduction. I am Melinda Beasi, singer, songwriter, theater manager, former actor, stumbling writer, dog-lover, fiction addict, mac geek, wife. This is my new “real life” blog where I will stand behind my own name, and talk about all of the above as well as whatever else crosses my overactive mind.

Both this blog and I are a work in-progress. Let’s see how they play out.